BEFORE YOU SAY I DO

Marry Me

Marry Me

2013: weddings, more weddings, mooore weddings…

2012 was a very great year. It greeted us with sooooo many weddings right from January all the way to December. Personally I attended so many weddings last year, weddings of friends,family friends,cousins,church members etc. I still attended a wedding on the 29th of December 2012.

To God be the glory, 2013 is here and I know so many people preparing to walk down the aisle this year *winks*.So many people have already tied the knot this year. It is really amazing, knowing that you’ll be spending the rest of your life with someone you really love. Congratulations y’all. Please invite me oh! Y’all know I love weddings *covers face*

However, before you say I do, there are a few things I wanna bring to your remembrance. We all know that marriage is the only school or institution where you receive the certificate before you resume. The wedding ceremony is just for a day, but marriage is FOREVER. The wedding will be attended by a crowd but it is only you and your spouse that will sail through the marriage boat through the stormy weather, when it is smooth and when the tide comes.

So just before you say I do, how much do you know? And do you agree with all that you know about him/her? Agreement is the basis of LOVE. I love the scripture in the third verse of the third book of Amos that says ‘Can two walk together except they agree?’

There’s this message by Pst Mrs Bimbo Odukoya of blessed memory that I always love to listen to, I would like to share a few things from it with you. Before that, it is essential to realize that you and your lover have strengths and weaknessses. Once you say I do, you are not only accepting the strengths, the weaknesses are inclusive. It is important that during the course of your relationship, you discuss so many issues. A relationship shouldn’t just be about ‘you are the love of my life, the apple of my life….blah, blah, blah. It’s a time to discuss and share your views on life issues.

The following are worthy of discussion:
CAREER/AMBITION AND GOALS: It is essential to share your goals and aspirations with your partner, so that you don’t get married and then surprises start to set in. Some men will say once she has my kids, she can’t work. Share details of your career path and what it really entails. Make marriage goals together; number of kids, child spacing etc
VERBAL INTIMACY/COMMUNICATION AND TOGETHERNESS: Ensure that your partner also believes that there should be communication and verbal intimacy so that each of you can express your minds from time to time. Talk about the amount of time you should spend together because some people have jobs that keep them away for months and sometimes years. Talk about it now!
FINANCIAL/MONETARY ISSUES: Ensure that you have a proper understanding of how your partner spends, his/her views on spending and investment. If you are about to marry an expensive lady, please make sure there’s enough money in the account…Talk about financial allocation or family budget, family vacation, children’s education and upkeep. This is really important because money issues have broken a lot of homes.
SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS: Talk about your relationship with friends and family members after marriage. Talk about the possibility of siblings or parents coming to live with you after marriage. Talk about how to deal with in-laws.
SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR: Talk about your individual habits or behaviours; drinking, smoking and clubbing. Share your views on all these to know what he/she feels about such things.
SUBMISSION AND RESPECT: Share your views on the level of submission and respect you require in marriage because it differs in families and cultures.
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE: Talk about your religious beliefs,general opinions and biases.
ISSUES IN THE HOME: Talk about the cooking,laundry and cleanliness of the house. Some ladies will say they can’t cook everyday, that the man should also enter the kitchen. Hmmnn talk about it now oh! Some people cannot hand wash clothes it’s either you buy a washing machine or you send the clothes to the dry-cleaner. Talk about it now!
WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS: Talk about each other’s weaknesses, some people have weaknesses like pride, anger, stinginess,unfriendliness etc. talk about them. Its also important to talk about your strengths, one of the good things about marriage is that one partner can complement the other. I have seen couples that the husband is very shy but the wife is very bold and outspoken. Each one will cover for the other.
HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: We all have different hobbies and interests. It is important, that your partner knows what your’s are. Sports: football, table-tennis, basktet-ball, golf etc. Music: Rhythm and blues, Rap, classical, country, rock etc Movies: action, comedy,romance,sci-fi etc
HEALTH ISSUES: Talk about health issues, the kind of medical consultancy you use. Some believe Government owned hospitals have better and more qualified doctors while some only visit private hospitals. Some people don’t believe in taking medication, they just pray. Talk about it now! Talk about weight issues too, some like orobo while some want lepa for life. Well, talk about it coz when the babies come, she might grow fat oh!
HABITS: Talk about the good habits
Time to sleep/ time to wake up: some people sleep by 12am and wake up by 5am and they are ok, while some sleep by 9am and still find it hard to keep their eyes open by 6. Talk about it.
Prayer: Muslims usually wake up 5am to pray, some do this faithfully while some don’t. talk about it now. Some christians wake up to pray at night, some don’t even pray at all. Talk about it now.
Meal time: some people eat very early in the morning while some don’t eat till almost mid-day. Talk about it now! .If you marry a man that eats very early in the morning, be ready to wake up early to cook for him everyday.
HOUSING/ ACCOMODATION : Some people say they can’t live outside Lagos or Abuja, some say they can only live in a duplex. Some people say they must have cooks, gate-men, gardeners and drivers in their home. Hmmnn…talk about it
FOREVER/CONDITIONAL: Some people say no matter what, my marriage is forever while some say once he cheats on me its over. Talk about it. Some say once she doesn’t have a child,I’ll marry another woman…hmmmnn. Talk about it now
There are so many other things worth discussing but these are the few I could cover. Get your partner to share every little detail with you from the past, to the present and plan for the future together. Share all the details before the big day when you’ll say ‘I DO’. Remember, forever is a looooooong time.

I wish you a great forever marriage

Have a great week.

Love,
L’queen.

_________________________________________
This article was written by Tolulope L’queen Lemikan.
Tolu is a writer, with passion for the subject “LOVE”, she is a freelance writer on relationships for some other blogs and magazines.
Follow her on twitter: @lqueeen

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26 thoughts on “BEFORE YOU SAY I DO

  1. Pappy

    About the health issues, growing fat is a great concern to many guys I know. At times I wonder why men don’t want their women to grow fat even after they’re the ones who made them that way…

    Reply
  2. ayuzeKable

    Lovely write-up once again. I commend ur hard-work. U are really helping a lot of relationships. Keep up the good work. (Y)

    Reply
    1. lqueen1 Post author

      Thank u dear,KABLE of life!! It brings me so much joy to write things that can be of help in relationships…let’s say I am an advocate of TRUE LOVE *winks*

      Reply
  3. akinwande olayinka

    You really av a point in wot you said, truthfully most ppl don’t settle these thins or talk abt it befor getting married that’s why divorce is on the high side. Personally I tink marraige is beyound Love cos there are some situations that will come up that will question one’s love for his/her spouse. I also belive marraige is for d husband, wife and God any oda person shud’nt take decisions or determine wot should happen in the home. May our marraiges be heaven on earth. Well done dear

    Reply

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