Category Archives: LET’S HEAR YOU

SHE’S THE MAN

Enjoying the cool afternoon breeze, Ona got out of her office to have lunch. On getting to the cafeteria, it was quite crowded. She left the cafeteria and decided to go to the eatery down the road.

Entering the premises, she parked behind a grey Honda civic, in a way that would obstruct the owner upon his/her exit. After buying her food,she rushed back to the parking lot and saw a youngman (the owner of the Honda Civic) waiting for the owner of the Highlander to reverse, so he could leave the premises. Ona apologised to the youngman. But mehn! The guy was a sight to behold, he had very radiant eyes and a smile that can light up a room. They talked for a while, exchanged cards and afterwards each person drove off.

His name was Vincent and he was really cute, as in really cute. He works as the manager of a medium scale enterprise not too far from Ona’s office. Ona on the other hand, works as a senior supervisor at Eldorado Plc. Although pretty young, she had risen fast to the top of her career. She was a good example of Miss Independent. Before long, Ona and Vincent started having lunch together most times at the same eatery where they met. Since the attraction was mutual, a relationship soon sprung up between them.

Ona was happy about her relationship and decided to share the news with her friends. However, the responses she got from them were far different from what she expected. One of her friends,Erica said ‘he doesn’t belong in your class, Ona’. Tochi, a friend and colleague said, ‘you better be careful of all these good looking poor guys, I’m sure your salary is three times more than what he earns’. That statement kept ringing in Ona’s heart. However, Ona and Vincent kept on with their relationship. Vincent was such a sweetheart, he treated Ona like a princess and she was beginning to love him.

It was really difficult for Ona because, her friends and most importantly her family were against the relationship. Her mother would say, ‘Ona you are the one marrying a wife oh because whoever earns more money, is the man of the home’. The only person who didn’t see things from that perspective was Ona’s eldest brother, he always advised her not to listen to anyone, as long as it felt right,she should carry on. He would always say, ‘things will definately get bettter for Vincent so long as he is hardworking’. That was the only person who stood by Ona and gave words of encouragement.

Dear reader, what are your thoughts on this? As a lady, can you marry a man who earns lesser than you do? Guys, can you enter into a relationship with a lady who earns three times your monthly salary? Does it really matter?

When I heard this story,I remembered the Michelle and Barack Obama love story. They met at a law firm in Chicago, she was way ahead of him and she was supposed to be his tutor when he came in as a summer associate but from there their love story began and now he’s no longer that same summer associate, he is the President of the United States and for that reason she is the First Lady of the United States.

In the seventh verse of the eigth chapter of the book of Job, the bible says ‘Though your beginning is small, your latter end shall greatly increase’. As far as I am concerned, we should not despise the days of humble beginnings, he might not have it all now but if he has great potentials then he will have a bright future. Many a times, we ladies are carried away by the things we see, forgetting that the worth of a man is not based on the value of his possessions.
Anyone has the capacity to become anything, so do not look at what you see on the outside. There is more to a person than what the eyes can see.

Enough of my opinion, I don’t wanna preach here…..what is your opinion on this? Does class/rank/status really matter in love? Does the fact that a woman earns more in a relationship/marriage make her the man?

Please I really wanna hear from you this time…READ,SHARE AND COMMENT.

It might help someone else out there.

Have a wonderful week.

Love,

L’queen.

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This article was written by Tolulope L’queen Lemikan.
Tolu is a writer, with passion for the subject “LOVE”, she is a freelance writer on relationships for some other blogs and magazines.
Follow her on twitter: @lqueeen

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THE HEART AND THE BEATINGS

HeartBeat

HeartBeat

If you are familiar with Banky W’s Strong thing or Yes/no, I’m sure you must have heard the line ‘you dey make my heart go gbim gbim / you dey make my heart go jim kelele’, its his own way of saying his heart is beating for that particular person. A lot of us also use that to express love for someone, by saying ‘my heart beats for you’. I used to have one stalker in my uni days who would always say ‘Tolu my heart is beating for you’ and I’ll laugh and cry all at once. It sounded very funny to me then. Well, what I wanna talk about today is a tad different from that…

Back in uni days, I had this flat mate, lets call her ‘Lawumi’. She was in a relationship with this guy from her pre-degree till I left. I was a year ahead of her, so I really don’t know if they are still together now.

Lawumi loved this Dara guy with everything she had, you could say that her heart was actually beating for him. She is a very good cook and she always prepared sumptuous meals for him. I remember she had this brown cooler that she used in offering cooler ministration to Dara everyday. On weekends, Lawumi will prepare a big pot of soup and turn it into that particular brown cooler and then she’ll leave the hostel to spend the weekend in Dara’s place. I really can’t tell if Dara used to give her money to prepare those meals.

On this particular weekend, I saw Lawumi in the hostel,that was very unusual. Since Lawumi and I were kinda close, I asked her if Dara travelled and then she said he didn’t. I just kept quiet and continued staring at her,I could tell something was wrong from the furtive look on her face,after a while she had no choice but to tell me what was wrong. Lawumi showed me a mark on her face which was previously covered by her long rose-deep weavon. Believe me, the mark was really bad. It was almost as red as the inside of an agbalumo fruit. Lawumi is dark in complexion( although not so dark) but the red mark on her face was rather too obvious for a dark person which means, Dara must have hit her so hard.

She narrated how Dara beat her because she forgot the keys to his house in the hostel and he needed to pick up something urgently. She said he had temper problems and that whenever he was angry, he can hit her with anything. I was speechless. Why would a guy keep beating the lady who loves him so much? The annoying thing was that, after almost an hour of speaking to Lawumi, she still kept making excuses for him and blaming herself for forgetting the keys.

‘Tolu, I love Dara with all my heart, its just this his temper issue, he’s a very nice guy’, Lawumi kept saying. Ohh!! Please… nice guy my foot, I thought.

Lo and behold! On Sunday afternoon, Dara came in company of his friends to apologize to Lawumi. He prostrated and pleaded with her. Lawumi, in tears accepted his apology and hugged him. Before my very eyes, she dished out food into that brown cooler again and left the hostel with Dara.
I just stayed in my room, watching them leave. I kept shaking my head all afternoon, I could almost cry for my dear Lawumi. A beautiful girl hurting herself in the name of love.

Just like Lawumi, so many people are going through stuff like this. I remember that movie, ‘private storm’, it’s a fictional example of this kind of experience.

For how long will this continue? Why would a lady choose to remain in an abusive relationship? For God sake, he hasn’t even put a ring on it, even if he has, as far as I am concerned, only a cowardly man beats a woman. Yes! you love him with all your heart but Sister your brain should also be involved. How long will you keep giving love from your heart and keep getting beatings in exchange? It is important that a woman never allows loneliness or fear to coerce her into vulnerability in the hands of a dangerous man.

Dearest Gentle-men, why would you say your heart is beating for a lady and after she gives you her heart you give her beatings in return? The essence of love is to give to each other and provide a secure place where both of you can grow together. Its not about beatings or injury of any kind…Y’heard??
Please don’t hit a woman…its absolutely wrong.
Dear reader, what are your thoughts on this? Let’s hear you…Read,Comment and Share.

Have an amazing week.

Love,
L’queen

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This article was written by Tolulope L’queen Lemikan.
Tolu is a writer, with passion for the subject “LOVE”, she is a freelance writer on relationships for some other blogs and magazines.
Follow her on twitter: @lqueeen

…YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE…

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa

It was my friend, Nnenna’s 25th birthday party,and we were all so excited to be there. Nnenna and I have been friends since Uni days and it was good to see her again as well as our other friends.

Nnenna was in a relationship with this dashing young man with a great career and a glorious bank account and she seemed very happy. She had been with this Uzodinma guy for 2 years and she always spoke well of him, although we never saw them together, only in pictures.

On this fateful day, he had sent her flowers,a cake,gift parcels and footed the bills of her birthday expenses. That was really sweet (I must say) but as the celebrant’s lover, we expected him to be there in person. We were all looking forward to meeting our friend’s lover Uzodinma, after two years of seeing him in pictures. Nnenna kept telling tales of how busy he was, his job description and that he promised to make it there before the party ended.
To cut the long story short, Uzodinma didn’t show up at the party. As concerned friends, we all stayed back to keep Nnenna company since it was weekend already.

We all fell asleep after catching up on old times. We did so much of gisting,laughing,wining and dining that night. You know how it is when you meet with friends you haven’t been with for quite a while. We also helped Nnenna clean up the house after her other guests had left. As in,we were exhausted!

I woke up a little past midnight to answer to the call of nature. While trying to keep my eyes open, I heard some sobbing sounds. Opening my eyes well enough, I saw Nnenna shedding tears quietly in one corner of her bedroom. I dragged my feet towards her,and sat beside her, waiting for her to say something. I didn’t want to talk, so as not to disturb the other girls who were soundly asleep.

After 5 minutes that felt like 50 minutes, Nnenna spoke. “How long will I continue like this?”she asked rhetorically. She narrated the story of how Uzodinma lavished her with money and gifts but deprived her of time together and attention. Nnenna explained how Uzodinma on many occcassions, apologized to her with shoes, bags and jewlleries whenever she complained of the lack of closeness in their relationship. I could almost cry with my friend,because she spoke with so much pain. I’ve never seen Nnenna that way before.

Nnenna desired love, togetherness,closeness,true friendship, time and attention from the relationship. However, Uzodinma was unable to provide that. Maybe, he felt money and gifts were enough to show her that he cared about her.

I remember that song by T.I back in 2008 ‘whatever you like’. In the video of the song, he spent lavishly on the lady buying her jewellries,buying her a car, taking her on a private jet and all the other nice things a girl could possibly dream of. Really, its nice to have a lover that gives and most girls will not stay with a stingy man. However, the money and the gifts are not the ultimate.
So many of us are guilty of this,we easily forget that money and gifts can not take the place of affection and attention. If someone truly loves you, they will desire your time and attention more than anything else, either material or monetary gifts. Your time and attention is something money can not buy.

What’s the point of being in a relationship, if you don’t see the GIVER only the GIFTS?

Won’t it feel selfish? Or let me say one-sided, to keep collecting gifts when you have no avenue to give love back.
What are your thoughts? Is it ok for you to be in a relationship with someone who gives you whatever you like but deprives you of his/her time and attention? How can a person cope when they fall in love with a workaholic?

Read, comment and SHARE!!!
Countdown to CHRISTMAS…yaaaaaayy!!!
Wishing you the best, this season.
Love,
L’queen.

HELP!! I’M TRAPPED IN THE FRIEND ZONE


“Friend zone refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship but the other doesn’t ” – Wikipedia.

“If one can become your friend he/she can easily become your life partner” – Michael Jackson.

After a hectic day of hustle on the streets of Lagos, coupled with crazy traffic, I got home at 9:45pm feeling like planet earth was placed on my shoulders. I decided to take a shower and end the day by going to bed earlier than usual. As I was slipping into my night wear, my phone started crying (ringing) from inside my bag, I just ignored it and continued with what I was doing. When it didn’t stop after the second ring, I reluctantly decided to pick it up.

Alas! It was my older cousin Jibola calling, I haven’t seen Jibola for almost 2years and I was happy to hear from him, even in my tired state.
“What’s up Coz”, I said in a very happy tone. “I’m not too ok jor, we need to talk”, Jibola said in a serious tone.
By the sound of his voice, I could tell that the call was not centered on knowing how I was doing, my cousin had something on his mind and that something was really serious.

He narrated the story of how he has been friends with this Moyin girl for 5years and over the years, he has become so drawn to her, more than anyone else. Although, Moyin dated other guys all the while, he still had his place in her life as “best male friend”.

The main issue now is, Jibola (now a grown man) is ready for a serious relationship, but his friend (Moyin) is stuck in an unhealthy relationship and she doesn’t even seem to realize it.

“Tolu, I can’t continue to see her get hurt in the hands of these other guys, when she’s the only one I have ever loved”, Jibola said to me.

That statement touched me so much, from the sound of my cousin’s voice I could tell that he was really hurt.
As time went on, Jibola and I were able to discuss and find out ways to help him escape the friend zone trap(Hey! hang on, I’ll share the tips). To cut the long story short, Jibola and Moyin are together now. And guess what? He has proposed to her *winks*.

It is not uncommon to hear young people talk about the “friend zone” these days. For some people, the switch from friend to lover isn’t so easy. I usually enjoy Friend Zone on MTV; I see the pain in the eyes of the person when his/her friend rejects the offer to turn their friendship into a relationship. Usually, they say it’s because they don’t want to ruin the friendship.
What are your thoughts about this? Does the switch always ruin the friendship?

HOW CAN I ESCAPE THIS ‘FRIEND ZONE’ THING?

So, are you trapped in the closet? – erm sorry, I mean… in the friend zone?
Awwww…Ok let’s talk about the escape route from the friend zone, my cousin and I were able to dig some things out at that time and luckily,it worked for him.

I’ll share some with you; first let me say you have to realize that every relationship (friendship, customer/client to organization, man to woman e.t.c) is a negotiation. However, when the terms and conditions of such a negotiation is about to change, it is essential that each party must be well informed. That’s the re-negotiation stage.
I’ll also like to add that, most times, people get trapped in the friend zone, because they are meeting the needs of the other party and they on the other hand, are not satisfied.

Try the following recommended tips by Jeremy Nicholson (the attraction doctor):

    Make yourself scarce: when you are too available to your friend, soon you’ll be taken for granted. Try and occupy yourself with other things.

    Act less interested: Don’t always show interest in what he/she is doing. Sometimes you can decline an invitation to go out with him/her, by giving excuse of another engagement (something irrelevant).

    Create competition: Make other friends and hang out with them often, naturally, this will affect your friend a little. People tend to give more value to something they think they might lose.

    Get the other person to invest: Don’t always be the giver, allow your friend to do things for you and make sacrifices for you as well.

    Be rewarding: Show appreciation when he/she does things for you and make it clear that it means a lot to you that he/she is there for you. Don’t see it as right, it’s a benefit of true friendship.

I believe that by applying the above tips, you will be able to create balance in the value and exchange of friendship between you and the person. It will make your friend realize how valuable you are.

Once that is established, you can take a bold step to express your feelings to your friend. You may decide to do it directly or indirectly. You can ask for a date and express your feelings. You can also decide to do it indirectly by using a card or a message. Personally, I prefer the direct approach to this;because it will make him/her take you seriously. This can only work if you have made your friend realize your worth and what you really are to him/her.

I wish you the best, it works for some and for some it doesn’t but you can never tell, until you do something about it. No one likes to stay in a forever friend zone. There’s no harm in trying. No matter the outcome, you’ll be able to make him/her realize how valuable you are.
All the best!! *winks*
“Love is an everlasting friendship” – Jackie Chan.

Read the post, share the post and I’ll really like to hear your views, comments and opinions on the friend zone. You could also share your experiences and how you were able to escape….you might help someone out too.
Have a great week.
Love,
L’queen

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This article was written by Tolulope L’queen Lemikan.
Tolu is a writer, with passion for the subject “LOVE”, she is a freelance writer on relationships for some other blogs and magazines.
Follow her on twitter: @lqueeen

Let’s Hear You: Mr. & Mrs. RIGHT.

“There’s a difference between what we look for, what we settle for and what we are meant for”.

Some readers sent me e-mails saying most of my articles have been a little too serious recently, so let’s talk about something a little fun this week.
I was privileged to go into the clothing business at some point in my life, asides the fact that I had to work with guys almost everyday, I learnt so many things from them.

On this fateful day, we had just finished a mass production of tee-shirts for an event,hungry and tired from not getting enough sleep at night,we decided to have brunch. While having brunch,the most exciting part of our work started, “discussion time”.
The food led to our discussion and before long, each guy started listing out qualities he thinks his “Mrs. RIGHT” must possess. They listed on and on and on, while I sat there, listening and watching their expressions with tears in my eyes from too much laughter.
At the end of the discussion, I was able to pick out the Highest Common Factors (HCF) from each guy’s list.
The following made the HCF:

Educated;
Beautiful (inside and out);
Fun to be with;
Must have some junk in the trunk
(curvy);
Must be able to make it happen in the bedroom and kitchen (very important).

The above qualities were present in the list of 8 different guys.

Another day,while at a friend’s birthday lunch, I started the same discussion with my female friends.
You should know the usual with ladies *winks*. “Mr. RIGHT” must be: Tall, Dark, Handsome, God-fearing, well toned muscles, great career….the list is endless.

From the two scenarios, it’s obvious both sexes (male&female) have pictures of the ideal lover in their heads. The kind of fantasy criterion put into our brains,thanks to Hollywood and Harlequin novels.

I don’t know if anyone else will agree with me on this, but I’ve come to discover that the cards don’t always turn in our favour. We spend so much time painting pictures of how our Mr/Mrs Right must look like and sometimes we lose sight of what we really need, while looking out for what we want. At the end of the day, we will discover that those standards or the so-called criteria we held on to,are very amendable.

Now my question is, those people who ended up getting married to people who are not actually prototypes of the “criteria” they set as singles;
Does that mean they have settled for less?
Or is it that when time flies and desperation sets in, people just go for “any one wey come I don dey old?”

What are your thoughts on this? In my opinion, I’ll say our own plans are very different from what God has prepared for us.

“A man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps” Proverbs 16:9 NKJV

A friend of mine always says, “there’s a difference between what we look for, what we settle for and what we are meant for”.

Dear esteemed reader, what are your thoughts on this? Do you think they settled for less? Is it time and desperation that changes the criterion? Or do you think it’s love that changes it all?
Let’s hear you, read the post, share the post and drop your comments…you might touch a life by your comments. Y’heard?

Have a great week ahead.
Love,
L’queen

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This article was written by Toluwalope L’queen Lemikan.
Tolu is a writer, with passion for the subject “love”, she is a freelance writer on relationships for some other blogs and magazines.
Follow her on twitter: @lqueeen